The next big thing will be what will define my life. Make it worthy. Give it purpose and make it whole.

Once I have a romantic relationship, however that should appear in Gods timing.

Once I have my relationship with God to where it should be. When his kingdom is fully built in my life.

Once I have a job and have to provide for myself.

Once someone understands and cares.

Once my book is published and I can really reach someone with the love I need to share.

Once I get over my own laziness and pull my bootstraps up.

Its really hard for me not to see my life as a series of moments to build up to. I have to be ready for adulthood. I have to be ready for a car a family and a house. The pressure is on and the fires are lit and time is burning fast.

For the last three years or so I’ve worked myself to the point of exhaustion and drifted farther and farther from the moment. From the people who need me grounded and here with them right now.

As a human. And more specifically a guy. I want something in my line of sight. Something to use my strength to build. I want to work and move forwards in my own right. I don’t like to be limited and if I cant find something that I can set up then I’m looking for something to build. Something I can control so to speak… Although that’s kinda an extreme word that I don’t feel like fits… but in the basest terms I want to control something when life feels crazy and unpredictable.

I want something predictable in the chaos.

But as mistakes, subverted expectations, faulty schedules and health all slammed into me… I began to realize that the cage I was making myself to dance in… The way I was looking at myself was all wrong… I was not made for tomorrow.

Life hurts. Its stinks and you wanna know what? Its never gonna be good enough. You’re never going to have that moment of peace. Or that pinnacle of success, where glory and joy and happiness meet in a blissful parade of light.

Its not getting easier… because you’re the one making it hard.

Life isn’t for the long haul. Its for the moment. If you spend your whole life staring at the glimmer in the distance… you’re gonna run yourself ragged and only find an empty pot at the end of all those rainbows…

THOSE THIEVING LEPRECHAUNS.

Anywho. I figured out that both for health, sanity and all the other speed bumps on life's road. You really need to have grace. But more than that. You need to realize that this road is meant to be taken slow. Appreciate the views. I know its a time-crunch. The GPS is screaming dates and times at you. But the pasture over there is gorgeous. A copse of trees. A lake to the left side of the highway. You have permission to pull off. No one but you is holding you to a time-frame. You dictate what you do.

When you focus to hard on any one material thing, you lose sight of so much else that you’ll wish you had stopped to see.

“You’re gonna miss this.

You’re gonna want this back.

You’re gonna wish these days, hadn’t gone by so fast!

These are some good times.

So take a good look around.

You may not know it now.

But you’re gonna miss this.”

​

Yeah that was a song. Its a really good one.

And as I'm thinking of story examples… the first one is Outsiders… sorry for my enthusiasm and beating the living daylights out of this poor horse(pls don’t sue for equine abuse).

ANYWHOSENHOWER. Go watch a sunset. Notice the colors. See what's here right now cause in a moment… it will be gone. Gone like the leaves. I sometimes look back and wonder if any of it existed. Present becomes past and its leaving fast.

Finding beauty in the folds is the only way to keep from growing old. Stay Gold

The other example was the thing I forgot to add to my critique of sight and sound the other day…

The main theme that spoke to me was centered around the song where David is in the palace and is finally dealing with becoming king.

WE NEED OUR KING!

The one where they are shouting that loud enough to make a tangible rumble in your chest. And David is running in and out with crowns from the surrounding nations and taking the Promised Land back to the borders of their original inheritance.

“Youre working so hard to build God a kingdom that you've forgotten about him.” I feel that so hard. I work my tail off to be a genuine good person. To show others love and to provide others a path to God that I lose sight of God. I forget to pray and read the bible consistently. I spend less and less time with him because Im so busy working for him. Looking for the “Well done good and faithful” moment.

(On a side not I came to a scary thought about the “Depart from me I never knew you.” part. They worked for him but they didn't know him. They missed the bus while paying for the ticket.)

Anywho. That's what I have for y’all right now. Slow Down. Watch Some Sunsets. Have a Little Talk with Jesus. Give the World a Smile… Stay Gold and…

LET IT BE KNOWN THAT THE GREASE GOT A HOLD ON YOU!